It often goes without saying, though it shouldnât, that honesty is a key component of effective communication, which I have already stated repeatedly is the most important aspect of a successful relationship. I personally have a major pet peeve about liars, but Iâll try to present this topic objectively.Honest communication is far more effective than communication that contains even the smallest white lie.
You may be wondering why Iâm even bothering to define what honesty is, but you may also be surprised to find out just how many people do not understand the concept, or donât really care It is, however, quite simply, telling the truth in all situations This doesnât necessarily mean that you have to be honest in such a way as to be hurtful or mean, but there are sometimes ways to be honest without that happening.
Honesty with Tact
It is possible to be honest about certain little things without being hurtful and mean about it by using a little tact, or saying something in a way thatâs still the truth, but not as hurtful Bear in mind, there is some truth to the saying that âtruth hurtsâ and in some situations, there is no avoiding the ugly truth But, if itâs something as seemingly benign as âHow do I look in this outfit?â or âHow do you like my singing?â, you can respond in a way thatâs less likely to cause hurt feelings. Â Instead of saying you donât like the outfit, tell them that you like the other outfit they tried on a little better than that one You may not like either one, particularly, but itâs really worth preserving someoneâs feelings by phrasing it differently.
Honesty in Big Things
Now, when it comes to other issues in a relationship, such as your feelings toward someone, it is very important to be completely honest If you feel a certain way about someone, you should let them know Likewise, if you do not feel for them the way they feel for you, it is even more important to let them know this, too If you do not, when, not if, the relationship ends, there will be a lot of bitterness and anger, and thereâs just no reason for that.
It is also very important to be honest regarding other issues that come up in a relationship, such as financial matters, raising children (where applicable), and household responsibilities So many times, couples arenât honest with each other about how things are going financially, whether it is going well or poorly Either way, itâs going to come to light soon enough, and itâs going to cause major problems in the relationship.
Say things arenât going so well, and only one partner is working It may be necessary for the other partner to get a job, but the one who is working has too much pride to admit that they arenât doing an adequate job or providing for the family This is a recipe for disaster, and will ultimately result in the family becoming even more financially unstable Itâs just a matter of time.
Another frighteningly common problem is parents that do not let each other know whatâs going on with the children A child may confide in one of the parents about something truly sensitive, and in that case, a measure of restraint may be called for You can still be honest with your partner by telling them that you cannot break your childâs confidence If you donât keep their confidence, youâve broken your bond of honesty with them, which is just as bad. Â I do think, however, that parents should talk to each other about how they would handle certain situations, and stick to that when they talk to their children Otherwise, the children will soon figure out that their parents really donât stand for anything solid, and will look elsewhere for influences.
Dishonesty
Dishonesty, or lying, is like a plague to any relationship If someone will lie to you about one thing, they will lie to you about anything And one lie often leads to another, which leads to two more, and so on Liars have to continue to make up new lies to cover up the lies they have already told, and before long, they arenât able to tell for themselves what is the truth and what is a lie.
The Good Stuff
Being honest is not only about addressing problems, or things that are bothering you You should also be honest with your partner about the things they do that are good, or any things you like about them If you like the way they are dressed that day, tell them If you really appreciated something they did around the house, or for the family, donât downplay how much it means to you Tell them, and you will be surprised how much of a positive impact it has on the relationship.
Why This Is So Important
Dishonesty is, like I said, a plague on any relationship It will ruin any relationship more quickly than anything else Dishonesty is the foundation of all betrayal, violence, and other unkind (or even despicable) acts that occur in relationships On the other hand, a good, steady dose of honesty will boost any relationship, and will lift up both partners Honesty in communication will make both partners closer and will only improve the relationship, more than you could possibly imagine.
Will Irvin is the author of Missing Pieces: 21 Secrets of a Successful Relationship, available in paperback, hardcover, or as a downloadable pdf. For more information on the book, visit the book website at MissingPiecesTheBook.com
Will is also the Webmaster for Premier Dating Online, a valuable source for Online Dating Tips, Relationship Advice, and Dating Service Reviews. As an active member of the Online Dating Community, as well as the Online Social Networking Community in general, Will brings that same “street-level” perspective into online relationships, online etiquette, and human relationships in general.
