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15 Responses to “How Long Do Borderline Personality Disorder Ex-girlfriends Usually Take To ‘come Back’ After A Break-up?”

1. joanna k Says:
   August 5th, 2009 at 12:32 am

   Hi husky…. There is no specific answer to your question unfortunately. Yes, most do come back (or send out “feelers” that they are interested), but it’s not a given. And the timeframe can very. At http://www.bpdfamily.com , we’ve had members who have reported “hoovers” months and a year later. One man’s ex called him on her wedding day (to another man). She wanted him to “save” her from her wedding at the last minute.
   Two weeks to two months is the usual time frame, but it depends on so, so many things. Those who have narcissistic traits (or perhaps are more narcissistic than bpd) may not come back for a long time.. or they will just go on to someone else. If you start erecting and maintaining boundaries (vs. letting her walk all over you), she may stay away longer, because she senses that she is losing control. Is she diagnosed? Getting treatment? Open to treatment?
   But this question is as much about you as it is about her… What do you want in your life in terms of a woman? Are you pleased with her leaving you and coming back? Is she abusive to you? Are you feeling depressed and nervous due to your relationship?
   You may want to join support groups that concentrate on people with these kinds of issues, that is, a bpd (or probable bpd) partner. http://www.bpdfamily.com/ (with the message board at http://www.bpdfamily.org is a excellent place to start.
   Try this article.. an overview of bpd relationships: http://www.bpdfamily.com/bpdresources/nk…

2. Debbie Says:
   August 5th, 2009 at 12:53 am

   I’m not sure if your asking this question because you are missing her or because you want to go on knowing that she is in the past. I sense it’s more because your missing her & pleased that you are trying to know her illness & not walk away from her. Understanding BPD aso helps non-BPD’s own personal growth.
   So, If it is because you are missing her, I would agree that it can take up to 3 weeks, of course this depends on why she left in the 1st place (which Schema was triggered). Feelings of Abandonment has the strongest emotions attached to it and this schema being triggered would be the one that could keep her away the longest.
   I live with BPD & I am learning to manage my emotions & it’s not simple, the longest I have stayed away has been 3 – 4 weeks at the beginning of relationships, but as trust is built this timescale becomes more 3 – 4 days, with the right supportive partner for a Borderline person the timescale does reduce with time. I hope this helps and that she returns to you.

3. Diane S Says:
   August 5th, 2009 at 1:24 am

   Why would you want her to? Find someone who is mentally healthy.

4. Lynn Melville Says:
   August 9th, 2009 at 4:36 am

   Hi, husky –

   I so recognize myself in your question. The hurt that a Borderline gives us when they leave us is hard to clarify to anyone who hasn’t experienced it.

   My partner would explode at me, hurling accusations at me over things I didn’t even remember doing (he’d been harboring them for so long), throwing things into suitcases and boxes and raging out the door.

   We had four episodes like that — over a decade. Each time it happened, it took me down further emotionally. Eventually he “boomeranged” back and we started the dance again.

   For the first three times, I had no thought what I was dealing with. After the fourth, I learned the diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder. It was a jaw-dropping moment. “You mean there’s a ‘name’ for what I’ve been dealing with?”

   There were no books about the disorder at the time (2000) that I could read and know as a layperson, so I started writing my own journal. Each time I understood just a piece of the disorder, I had to write about it, clarify it to myself, so I could go back to it and read it again and again, to keep my head straight.

   It was a battle, because I so loved the person he was when his internal hellaceous emotions weren’t triggered.

   The difficulty was in ‘accepting’ that the person that hurt me was the person he really was. The person I loved was the person he ‘wished’ he could be — he just couldn’t maintain.

   My journal turned into a book — “Breaking Free from Boomerang Like: Getting Unhooked from Abusive Borderline Relationships”. My book seems to help partners of Borderlines see their situation more clearly, assess whether or not their Borderline will go for help to stop the painful behavior, and take steps to protect themselves and their children.

   Keep putting one foot in front of the other, husky. It’s the only way out.

   Learn as much about the disorder as you can and do reach out for the support of friends and family.

   I also found meetings of Co-Dependents Anonymous to be a lifesaver. There were people there like me, struggling to live with people who were hurting them. They have a web site where meetings are listed by zip code, with the name and phone number of a contact person. Call the contact person to make sure the meeting is still on (the web site isn’t always up to date) and to have someone there with a smile and a hug to greet you.

   You can do it.

   Lynn Melville

5. Jeremy Says:
   August 13th, 2009 at 9:40 pm

   i read this kind of stuff everyday (it may get me fired at work)

   i reckon my ex has BPD. after our second break up i had to get some professional help, and when i described her behavior to him he suggested i google BPD. it was shocking! it was like reading her bio on line. she never had the rage issues, or the gender issues, but you should see the scars on her arm from her teenage years.

   we dated for about 2 1/2 years, and lived together for that long. 1 1/2 years was spent in a place of our own. after our first break up we got back together after about 1 or 2 months apart, and things were fantastic. we plotted on getting married, and so on and so on. well, she has some very serious jelously issues (not normal), and a very excellent friend of mine was a girl. i had to end that friendship, so i did. i wanted to do more for her that before, you know, right the things i did incorrect in the past. well she works 80 hrs a week, and i never got to see her, and when she would get off work she wanted to go out drinking with her work friends. i was not invited out, you see, she wanted to keep work and personal life seperate. i had had enough of this! here i was making every effort to be there for her, and she shut me out. well, i finally told her i didn’t want her hanging out with her work friends, and more pointed, the cook at the restaurant. a week went by and she dumped me. the very next day she had sex with two different guys, and then called me to tell me about it so we could, “work things out.” i lost it. i mean i really lost it. i called her some not so very nice things for about two days, and finally i gave her an untimatum: get help, quit your restaurant job, and never see or speak to those guys again. well, instead she fell in like the next week with the cook, and a month later she went in with him. as well as, she told me she has chose to make the restaurant her carrear.

   well six months has gone by, and i just saw her for the first time (she has seen me from her restaurant window, but i NEVER look inside). i was very very shaken. she was leaving work with her new man, and getting into his jeep. before she got in she looked back over at me, and i burned a hole in her with my eyes. from time to time before this happened she would tex me telling me that she was sorry for ever hurting me, and she wasnt trying to get me back she just wanted me to know. also, she got in touch with a mutual friend of ours and told her that she will like me till the day she dies, will never meet anyone like me again, i am such a excellent man, and moving in with this kid was probably a small soon. she finally called, and i told i didn’t reckon i could be very civil. she sounded really sad and said she didn’t blame me, and then questioned if i was pleased. i told her i was doing just fine, and to PLEASE leave me alone. no more interaction was made untill the day after we say each other. i atext that day asking if that was the way it is going to be, sofinally i caved in and told her that whatever she wanted to get off her chest she could, and i would listen. so we talked for about 20 minutes, and she told me how sorry she was for the way she treated me, she told me she still works 80 hrs a week and is really tired all the time. i told her that she was right, and she would never meet anyone like me again, and she said she hoped i never met anyone like her again, that she is a terrible person, and this is what she does to every body in her life. we hung up, and i could hear the tone in her voice. i know she wanted to say more, but i wont budge. so far she is the like of my life, but if i let her back in i dread she will just hurt me over and over and over…..

   she used to loose it if i fell asleep with my back to her, or fell asleep without saying excellent night. it showed that i didn’t like her. she was jelous of my sister, and my 13 year ancient niece (spell check). on and on things like this happened. one time i questioned her if she could please buy her own shaving cream because everytime i tried to use mine it was empty. well that was cause for a drama fest. we shouldn’t have anything of our own it is all ours etc. birthdays and annaversaries were time for drama as well. i am not an expert, but from what i have experienced, and read i believe she has BPD.

   i don’t know what to do. i sent her some texts two days ago. i told her that i knew there was more she wanted to say, and that seeing eachother rattled us more than we thought it would. i accepted her apology, but i was still mad. i told her we reckon about each other a lot, and we arent being honest to the new people in our lives. i told her i would always like her, and i hope she feels better.

   i don’t even know what i want out of this. latley i really want her back, but i still remember the terrible, as well as, the excellent.

6. Lindsay Says:
   August 22nd, 2009 at 7:49 pm

   Jeremy and whoever else wants to listen,

   I am shocked to find a tale so similar to something I have been goin through. My ex-boyfriend, who is also my coworker, left me 3 months ago due to not wanting to be with me anymore. We were together 1 1/2 years. We had a VERY SIMILAR relationship to the one you described, with 2 other breakups for 1 or 2 months, him drinking, and having irrational rages with me. I knew for sure that he suffered from depression, but knew of no other reasons why this other stuff would be happening. We were truly in like for most of this time and it baffled me when he would turn on me and go into these unbelievable outbursts and drinking rages. Eventually, we broke up for the third time and it has been about 3 months since that time. Of course, I still see him at work and have random contact with him. But is it.

   A few days ago, I found out that after leaving me, he immediately went into the arms of another woman. This woman happened to be a coworker of mine also, which sent me into emotional overdrive. Well, I chose to tell my ex that I knew about the relationship and to just tell him to f*** off for continuing to hurt me even after the breakup. But, things turned out completely different. The conversation turned into a long discussion about how messed up he and his life truly are. I am a therapist and it is becoming more clear to me now that he certainly has BPD. He apologized to me for everything he has ever done to me and admitted that he is slowly self-destructing in his life (losing his friends, his band broke up, losing me.) He admitted to making a mistake that he left me, and even admitted that he devalued and idealized me often in the relationship and does not know why (a criteria of BPD), but truly feels he likes me overall and his thoughts never made clear sense. He told me he has made many mistakes and was ready to do something to help himself feel better in his life. Of course, I suggested the typical therapy and medication to address the problems. He said he would consider it but didn’t say yes or no. He has always been a hard-headed person and the thought of me bringing up therapy and meds in the past would’ve sent him into another rage. It did not this time and he really considered it. We finished the conversation stating we cared about each other, yet knew we cannot get back together at this time. I told him that I would be here for him if he needed to talk. He thanked me and said he had never had anyone talk to him this way before and he felt he was closer to me than ever and felt way better about himself.

   That conversation took place on Thursday. Not even a day later, he texted me to tell me that he had a terrible day and was hoping mine was going better. A random text message that I’m sure will be the first of many.

   I don’t know what to do. I like him. I care so much about him. I do still remember all the bads about our relationship and everything in between. All of my friends and family despise him. No one understands. I’m not even sure if I know. But I like him. I know to keep my distance if he continues to choose not to get help. But, this is the first time he has EVER acknowledged he has a problem and wants to get help for it. It is also the first time that he has really acknowledged he has any symptoms of Borderline (as I said, he works with me as a case manager where I work and knows a bit about BPD.)

   If anyone has ANY advice or support for me, that’d be awesome. If not, I guess just finally getting this out to someone else at least makes me feel better. Thanks for whoever took the time to read this.

7. Sawagi Says:
   August 27th, 2009 at 1:57 pm

   Lindsay/Jeremy.

   When I read the tales of your life i feel like am reading my own life. It is about 3 weeks after breaking up with my boyfriend of 3 years. our relationship has been on and off rollercoster to mention the least. we could break up for 3 months, 2 months, weeks days and make up.Due to different reason, fits of rage,intense jealousness. You name it.

   I bagan to realise there was something very incorrect with my ex after our first break up which was caused by a jealous out burst. shocking to me is that after 6 months i took him back during the time i started to search for answers to his behaviour. i was really surprised to learn that there was really a name for this confusion.

   As you might know is that BPD doesnt go away just like that. so it was not long before we went back to our usual fights, half of the time i felt like a mad woman. But even in that madness i chose to focus on the excellent i got out of the relationship which when i reckon about it now was such a small fraction compared to the terrible. but while in it you are so blind you dont see.

   It has been 3 weeks of our break up, but every night i kneel besides my terrible and thank God that he has kept me off the relationship because i know it is toxic. For me to stay off and not pick his calls(he calls like more than 10 times a day) is really something to celebrate.There is still apart of me that want to go back, but as the days go by it is fading away.

   What helps me most is that i have to keep reminding myself that he is still the same person who has BPD so he will still go back to what he was doing. The thought of the hurts keeps me off.

   No amount of me being nice will ever change this person, so the best thing for me to do is stay off. Even when they promise they will change and seek help when one gets back that is the end of it they will stop what ever treatment.

   It may hurt now, but one year today i will be thanking God that I finished that toxic relationship.

   I believe am a nice person and the treatment i got from the relationship. what am fantastic full about is that i learnt alot i got to know about BPD and many other personality disorders. I also have become a stronger person. I am so proud of myself because am demanding more out of a relationship, i could have stayed there and focused on the “excellent” i got from the relationship.

   Jeremy and lindsay it may hurt now. But let them seek help, before then they will just hurt you in their confusion. I dont want to impose my values on you. But you have to realize your exs like mine will still hurt you, they are still sick, they need help before they can be excellent for you. it is not simple for me. every day i have to remind myself to keep off the temptation is so hight to go back.But you know what am not going back there!!! ihave to tell myself

8. Lindsay Says:
   August 29th, 2009 at 6:16 pm

   Thank you so much, Sawagi. You are absolutely right. I am done trying to help this person. Turns out that no matter how much I like him and care about him, he will never be able to reciprocate that like and care for me. It just won’t work.

   A few days after he texted me on Friday to tell me his day was terrible, I felt really weird and sad. I felt used by him for texting me and then getting what he wanted out of me (a caring, loving response). I got nothing in return. My mind then started to race and I had these thoughts about what this could mean for me. I nearly see this as the perfect scenario for someone with BPD. With me on the backburner, he would never be abandoned in his life because he would always have me there when he wanted me to pick up the pieces when something else goes terrible in his life. Then when he gets bored with me and his life has picked up again (as he has done 3 times in the past), he will drop me to find something better. Once that “something better” goes sour, I would be there again. All these thoughts entered my brain. When would he text me again? Am I just supposed to be here on the backburner for him each time his life goes incorrect? Am I supposed to wait here each time he has a failed relationship or random “hookup” so he can feel better about himself? I’m maintaining this terrible cycle that is ripping my heart to shreds each time it occurs.

   So, long tale small, I called him and told him I needed more than just a “backburner” relationship in order for me to be in his life. I needed him to get help. He, of course, dismissed my concerns and didn’t want to talk about it. He thought I was overreacting. (Something that was common in our relationship). I snapped and told him I couldn’t do this anymore. I told him I reckon he has BPD and that he needs to get help. Of course, he was not pleased with this. I cried hysterically and told I cared so much about him, I was sorry, and I couldn’t do this anymore. He had small to say, but agreed. That was it.

   It is amusing, but 1 week ago, I had been so focused on his BPD as being the core reason for his problems that I was letting that be his excuse for how he treats me. I was letting myself fall right back into the emotional trap. But BPD isn’t an excuse. In the end, the same reality remains that he continues to hurt me. He is toxic to me. He uses me. He needs help and he will not get it if I remain in his life. It hurts to come to this realization. But it is right. My heart will continue to be ripped to shreds if I stay in any contact with him.

   I know that in a year’s time, I will be thankful as well that the pain is no longer in my life. I will know that I am not contributing to his self-destructive lifestyle. Sometimes loving someone means letting them go. And I now know that is what I have to do. Thank you again for your tales and support. I’m ready to go on with my life.

9. Jeremy Says:
   September 11th, 2009 at 4:35 pm

   Lindsay and Sawagi

   Wow it is nice to not feel so alone. Your tales are similar, but my ex never had the rage issues. She got plenty mad, but there was never anything thrown or broken. Our communication has been at least a text a week since we saw eachother. The last one she sent me was asking if I had her yellow silk shirt with the bow ties. She hasn’t seen it in 6 months, and she is missing some jewlery. I didn’t respond after the first text, but here comes another that said, “I don’t know if you despise me today or not, but could you please tell me if you have these things.” I simply texted her no. Well the next day I get an email asking for the things, and that anything she tells me is going to wind up on the devil facebook (she despises facebook), and give my girlfriend ammunition for more rumor and disgust. P.S. she tells me that her small brother is getting married in a week. I emailed her back. I told her I didn’t have any of her things. My girlfriend doesn’t need to waste her time talking about her, nothing has been place on facebook, and nobody cares about what happened between us except us. I told her to tell her brother congradulations, and I suspected she is foaming at the mouth to get married, and I hope her new boyfriend doesn’t get caught in her impulsive crosshairs anymore than he already has. I told her I knew what this was really about, and that I kinda wanted to see her and talk to her too. I told her it wouldn’t, but, do us any excellent to see eachother, I also told her that she can reach some stable emotion if she gets some help. Well I felt kinda terrible so I emailed again apologizing to her. I told her that I really ment to give my best to her brother, and that it isn’t right to keep telling her to get help. I told her it is hard to let her go, and if she cares about me she will let me go and leave me alone, or, stop the games. I questioned if she remembered some specific things we did together when we first started dating. Sort of sticking it to her a small bit. Well I finally got a response thanking me for the apology because the last email was a small mean. She admited to having problems, and she tries to keep it in check, but she fails at it time and time again. She assured me she wasn’t playing games with me (she could have just bought a new shirt), but I reckon she really wanted to see me. Come to find out she got fired from her job at the restaurant a few weeks back due to drama with working with her boyfriend. I suspect a new girl was hired or his ex was in town or something like that. She told me the restaurant was like a family to her blah blah. Not so much anymore I told her the restaurant life is shallow and fake. So yea I kinda feel like the back burner. I KNOW I am better than this guy in many many ways. Oh well. I reckon about her all the time, and since I saw her a while ago I have been dreaming about her a lot. I like her so much and I know it’s best to let it go, but I can’t I just like her. We are so different in so many ways, but I reckon with a normal person differences may not be so terrible. I don’t know what to do. You have no thought how much self control I have exercised not to call or text her. It is literally draining. I want to sit down and talk with her, but why? What is the end game here? What do I want by talking? I will never take her back (she is way way too proud to admit to me, but I know she has feelings for me. I reckon she knows she went too far this time) unless she decides to get help, but even then it would take an extreme ammount of time to trust her. What do you reckon about this? What the hell does she want? Very likley she doesn’t know. Is she trying to mess with me? Does she want me, but is being very careful. She told me she broke up with me because everybody told her to, and we should have never gotten back together that second time. I wonder if she was protecting me in some way from herself. One night when we got back together she told me she was worried she was going to get sad again and I would leave her. I just like her, and despise her. Damnit!!! I have my health, I am tall and not so terrible looking, people like me well enough, I know I have a lot going for me, and there are, most likley, fantastic things in store for me, but I am depressed still. She still has got me I just try and not let her know that. Ugh Arg!!!

10. Sawagi Says:
    October 2nd, 2009 at 10:44 am

    Jeremy how is it going for you? when i read your words i sort of feel you so much. Like you I still have feelings for my ex especially just 2 days ago i accidentally met him, well he may have been waiting and hoping to see me pass by coz that is not so far from my office. For whatever reason i find him very attractive a thing that many of people may find hard to see, for one he will not really take fantastic care of his grooming like i do. but trust me i never really saw that as an obstacle to my feelings. he begged me back, but to get away i had to promise i would call him. he is the kind to get very dramatic even in public. I can deny the fact that i felt like calling him and just talk, but i started to read my journal, just to remind myself of the things i had been thru with him. They were so a life that all i did was shake my head and say he sure not worth it. He is not healed so he is still the same person inside no matter how much he sugar coats it. I dont know if you have a journal or just go back to the nasty things you went thru bring them alife so that you can be able to see that it will be a small while before you go back to that circle. it will hurt worse coz this time you thought it would be better.

    You are excellent looking Jeremy, just fight it till you get someone who you will have a stable relationship. Believe me i have to remind myself that every day. it is not simple, but i cant wait to get to the other side of the road while i will completely feel victorious. I know i will coz i want stable. All the best

11. jeremy Says:
    October 22nd, 2009 at 10:16 pm

    well i have some interisting news, but no time to tell. I just wanted to keep in touch. I like reading things from you all. I will fill you in soon.

12. Laney Says:
    November 2nd, 2009 at 1:00 am

    I am pleased I found this…a lot of the tales are similiar to mine. Although, I have not been in the relationship as long as everyone else here. But, I was/am in like with her. In the beginning of the relationship, I remember her telling me that she was not ‘excellent’ in relationships and that she neve stays friends with her exes, they end up hating her. At the time, I was just so into her, that I did not pay attention to that. She has also had a history of terrible relationships that were tumultuous and unhealthy. Again, I disregarded this. I fell in like, and our relationship was awesome when it was excellent and horrible when it went terrible. She would be very verbally abusive during arguments. And a lot of times, the arguments were trivial and blown out of proportion. She would threaten to hurt herself etc during these arguments. I was so confused about why she got so enraged. There were no lies or cheating. Just minor everyday disagreements. Then it just got really terrible and she said some really terrible things. I didn’t speak with her for days, then I just wrote to her to tell her how special she was to me and what we shared was special. I made it clear that I did not want to get back with her, but for me, I don’t like to carry despise or grudges. I apologized for things that I may have said due to defending myself. She has yet to apologize. After a couple of weeks she called me out of the blue…she was having a panic attack and needed me to help her through it. I did, and I felt so alone after the phone call. I am still in like with her and even though I said I would be there for her, hearing her voice was more than I could bear. So I called to tell her that ‘right now’ I cannot handle the phone calls…I am not ready and I need to go on. If she wanted to text or email, I could handle that. But hearing her voice was too much. I don’t reckon she understood where I was coming from, because she just left me a message stating…”So from what I gather, you don’t want me to call you..ok, that’s that. take care…bye.” I have not contacted her, because I am sick of trying to clarify myself and she never seems to want to know where I am coming from. IDK…I knew she had OCD and anxiety issues. She told me. And she is on medication for that, but I am starting to reckon that she may have BPD, and I feel horrible. I don’t want to abandon her or have her feel like I did. I do have a heart…and I do like her. Just a horrible thing….

13. Sawagi Says:
    November 13th, 2009 at 8:58 am

    I kinda feel you laney, I was there sometime back really for 3 years back and forth. When i started to read about BPD it shocked me to learn that not many get cured or change and the kind of relationship i was in which was in and out would never stop. So no matter how much in like i felt i had to be right to myself and that was to not hope and wait for the relationship to change for the better. Just read this site and see if this are the symptoms your ex hashttp://www.ehow.com/how_4792594_love-borderline-personality-disorder-bpd.html.

    All i can say is that matters of the heart are so sensitive i cant tell you to keep off from your ex but what i can say is that dont hope for anything better than the kind of relationship you had with her , it will be full of arguments that is part of the package of a relationship with a boarderline.
    i just hope you will find peace within yourself coz i know like can hurt!

14. Jeremy Says:
    January 8th, 2010 at 3:30 pm

    Well my ex broke up with her boyfriend, and called me in tears, I didn’t answer, but the voice mails said that what she did to me is happening to her. That was on a Friday, and when Monday came I got nothing but phone calls and texts all day long begging me to talk to her. Finally, later after work we talked. She was sorry, told me that she likes me, but doesn’t want me back, (she beats this dead horse so much it makes me wonder). She tells me she thinks about me all the time. but I don’t want me back. She tells me about how all intimacy had stopped four months ago, and he uses me as an excuse because I am a huge guy (6′2″) and he is just the opposite, and he doesn’t reckon that he makes her feel the way I did. She tells me I am better than him in just about every way, but doesn’t want me back. He owes her about $4,000 becuase he got fired from the restaurant (he got fired then she did), and was out of work for about two months, and she supported him. Now, mister super chef cooks at the mall (I must say I was laughing to myself) So she just wants to be friends. She called later that week and questioned if I loved my new girlfriend (I do but not anywhere close to the way I felt about her) I said yes and she suddenly said she likes tod. She told me she likes me and wants me in her life and doesn’t reckon I can handle it, and then she said that she and tod are trying to work things out, and now their back together. ???? I don’t know her.

    This always happens she calls, wants to be friends, a small time goes by, and I tell her it isn’t the best thing for me. We do a small fighting and I don’t contact her anymore. Then, like clock work after two weeks she starts the texts and phone calls again. After about a week I finally give in and call. The whole cycle starts again. She started calling me asking for advice on things. I gave her my opinions when she wanted them, and told her that that was agrivating. She wanted to know why, and I told her that it wasn’t my job to give her advice that was her boyfriends job, and that she is being a bit selfish with me. She wants to patch things up with everyone in her past because she always screws people over and wants to change. I told her that she is walking a fine line between patching things up and using me to make herself feel better. I informed her that this is a cycle. She calls, we talk, she wants to be friends, time goes by, and I tell her I can’t. After two weeks she calls and texts like clock work. She went bonkers and started yelling and screaming at me. She questioned me where my loyalites lie, told me she doesn’t want me back [again(I haven't questioned to get back, pined for her, or anything)]. I told her the last thing I wanted to do was date her again, and that sent her over the edge. I hung up. The next evening I got texts saying she is mad with her self for screwing things up between us so terribly, and if I ever wanted to talk I know where she is. Well, two weeks to the day the calls and texts begain again, and again, I gave in after about a month.

    Christmas time and they start again. She doesn’t know, and she thinks it is a mistake to be strangers. I get an email begging me to call, and she misses me in her life. After the crazy holidays I called when I had time. We talked, and she tells me some really nice things. She misses me, I was the only person that could ever handle her, she always remembered that I was always smiling, she never knew how much all her friends liked me, and just my presence in a room always calmed her and made her feel safe. She told me she is in some really dark places right now, and she is just now starting to deal with the issues of our break up. I wished her luck and told her to get used to it because I am still dealing with it (we were plotting on getting married). She said if things hadn’t happened the way they did (what she did) we would still be together. Here comes the the huge news………she started using cocaine again. When she was in her teens she used, and it got so terrible she was sent to rehab, and hasn’t done it sice. Also, thas was the time period when she was cutting her self. I told her again that friends isn’t going to work. I just don’t trust her. She couldn’t know why I couldn’t forgive her, and again, I told her I forgave her I just havent forgotten.

    I don’t know what to do. It isn’t my place or business to do anything. I just keep thinking about that fantastic nice girl I knew, and how much she has changed for the worse. The thing is it is selfish on my part. I want to live in the past and I really would take her back if she were the other person I knew. I reckon about her all day everyday. I am not daydreaming I know nothing will ever be the same, and we are going down different roads. I also reckon the friend angle she uses on me is a flat out lie. I just want to go foreward, but there is that thought in the back of my mind…..maybe one day.

    ps. Oh yea she finally looked up BPD on line (months ago) and called me thanking me she thinks she probably has it, and it was a relief for her. She had an explination for the way she feels most of the time.

15. wayne Says:
    February 20th, 2010 at 2:08 pm

    i reckon my ex may of had BPd and we have been split up for 3 months now, when i questioned her about getting back together she said she never goes back, she has left at leat 6 men that i know of for what ever reason..

    does this mean she will never come back to me and does it mean she doesnt even have BPD despite her having and showing all the criteria listed.

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