How to save my relationship with my boyfriend?
Me and my boyfriend will be together 1 year December the 13th. And he is truely the best thing that has ever happen to me. He helps me with my kids, does not uses me or abuse me, very supportative that I am going to school. My car breaks down he lets me use his. . we can be fighting and he is still right there for me.
The proublem is me I am biopolar – I am extreme ups and downs. When I have my extreme downs I do implovisive things such as going threw his phone and hacking his email. Yes, I have real terrible trust issues ( I was raped as a child. ) Even thow I never find nothing I still do it. . then I punished myself by hurting myself!!
He says he’s tired and its not working. I do have an apt December 10th to get on anti-depressents. And we just started councling. I like him so much.
One of his female friends says I am thinking about noone but myself and I need to let him go. Says their is women waiting for him to be single. I need to stop playing with his emotions and so on.
How do I save this relationship. . .do I really let him go? Is it to late for councling? And is he staying because he wants to or does he really want to go?
I begged him just try to stick it out til I get on anti-depressants next month. . .I tell him that it will get better.
I LIKE HIM SO MUCH!!!
But, sometimes I feel like I don’t deserve a man as excellent as he is. Because, I know I am sick. . and I stress him out.
He tells me all the time he wants whats best for me and no I am not looking at him as a "CURE" for my sickness. . no man can make you feel excellent about yourself if you don’t already feel excellent about your self. I could see leting the relationship go if we only been together for only one or two months. . but, we have already invested one year into this. . already started talking about marrage and kids. . are relationship id really excellent I do nothing incorrect until my excellent ancient period comes along. . They said its was PMDD I had but, meds didn’t help with that. Then but, an IUD in me or boy the depression got so terrible I tried taking my on life. Its so sad because he can tell now when I am about to get into a down. . . I am so extremely hyper the week before. I know anti-depressents ain’t goning to work over night. And he does go to my councling apt with me last month it was all about me and my proublems, when I go next month he wants to talk about our relationship proublems. I know its hard on him
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July 19th, 2009 at 4:26 am
You have a lot of self-esteem issues stemming from your illness it seems. That can be tough for a partner to deal with, especially when they reckon about a long-term future with you. I reckon you’re doing the right thing by getting on medication and seeing if it helps. If he likes you, he should be willing to stick around and see if things get better, since it seems like with the medicine, that’s what you’re striving and making an effort to do. If in the end, he can’t be with you, it’s not the worst thing. Don’t reckon that "no one can like you" or anything like that. Sometimes, it’s best to be with someone who’s been through something similar or maybe has a relative who’s gone through something similar just so they know what you’re going through and can sympathyze with you. A lot of the problems seem to come from a lack of understanding and a feeling (by him) of helplessness. You have to know, it’s hard for someone to be with someone that’s "not pleased," you know? It makes them feel somewhat inadequate as a lover and a friend, and they may blame themselves for your attitude and illness. Do what you can to help yourself first. Then once you’re healthy and pleased, the relationship should fall into place. Excellent luck.
July 19th, 2009 at 4:26 am
All you can do is question him to stick it out till you get your meds. he needs to choose on what he should do and you should not try to push the issue. He should see that you are trying to help yourself and that is a positive for you. Let things play out as they are but you should not smother him as that would just push him away
excellent luck
July 19th, 2009 at 4:26 am
I reckon you see him as your "cure", which the only way to help is for you to help yourself. Anti-depressents don’t "cure" depression, they merely avoid the symptoms.
I suggest you drink lots of water and if your doing any terrible habbits like smoking, quit. Also, excercise as much as free time allows and outside. Outside excercise shows that those who did vs those who did excercise indoors had a 74% rate of not being depressed over 46%.
The solution to your problems is you. I know you like your man very much and I know he likes you, but I reckon your looking for his like to fix this issue which it will not. He is looking for a girl who is going to give as much like as he is or more.
Remember, you can’t just give yourself a excuse "well i’m bi-polar so it can’t be helped". It can, and it starts with you. If you REALLY want to keep him, get up and fix yourself. I am not saying it will be fixed in a day, a week or a month, and maybe even a year, but if you wait till all the lights are green, you’ll never get on your journey to a fullfilling life with him.
Lots of luck and God bless.
July 19th, 2009 at 4:26 am
What you should do is question him what he wants to do? He needs to be honest with you. If he wants to leave, there is nothing you can do. If he wants to stay then the two of you should not only go to counseling, he should go with you to the doctor when you get your medication. Lots of people know the term bipolar disorder, but few really know what it means and what happens to those that have it and to the families of those with the illness. If the doctor clarifies this in a way that your boyfriend can know, then he may have an simpler time handling your moods and behaviors. Also, because you have 2 kids and you go to school, stress levels are at a high point. Try going to therapy just for yourself.