I’m desperate….would someone please help me save my relationship???
My boyfriend and I have been together 2+ years and don’t get me incorrect we do have our excellent times…but lately it seems like it’s getting terrible…I don’t want to break up with him…but we’ve both chose we’re miserable with the way things are going…He’s very subborn and I’m all about communication…the only problem is…he doesn’t like to hear he’s done anything incorrect but I need him to know how terribly I’m feeling and how much I want us to work out….any advice on talking to him in a way I can get his attention without him taking the immediate defensive position would be fantastic…I’m so tired of every "sit down talk" turning into a fight….I really need him to know that I want to make this work and I am willing to take responsibility for my negative impacts on the relationship…I know I’m not perfect but I’m willing to try to overcome some things I need to work on to save this relationship…I need to get him in the same mind frame….because I know he doesn’t wanna lose me either
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July 17th, 2009 at 9:14 am
Take a break with him then…how can that possibly be a terrible thing? If its meant to be, you’ll get back together eventually, couples do this all of the time. One day when you are ancient and gray, you will probally be glad that you took the break. The only reason you are still with him is because of the two years.
July 17th, 2009 at 9:14 am
Just tell him what you told us. He needs to know that you like him but you can’t continue like this. Most men do not want to discuss the relationship. They shy away from anything that sounds negative and seldom even want to admit openly there is a problem. Find a formula for getting a man to open up and you will be a millionaire! Maybe you could try asking him how the two of you could get closer.
July 17th, 2009 at 9:14 am
You’re young. I know it’s been 2 years. But it sounds like you’re the only on in this relationship. He’s checked out. If you spend more time shouting at each other than speaking to each other time to go on. Shake him off!
July 17th, 2009 at 9:14 am
It is hard to try to communicate with someone who’s stubborn and refuses to accept constructive criticism. But all hope is not lost, maybe it’s the way the conversation starts. First, I reckon you should tell him how much he means to you. Let him know that you like and respect him and that you want the relationship to work, but in order for that to happen the both of you have to work on it together. tell him of your faults and how you plot on improving and let him know of some things you believe he can work on as well. But assure him that you like him and you want this to be a team effort. Being that he doesn’t want to lose you either I believe he does want to work on the relationship but the thought of something negative like a problem in attitude of behavior, will automatically make him reckon the worse of what could happen and therefore as a protective reaction he just refuses to talk about it. Let him know that you’re there for him and that it can work, no relationship is perfect but with time and equal efforts to make it better there’s no doubt it can and will work. Try to sense his mood and plot your approach, ease him into the topic of the relationship and be supportive, assuring but serious. Excellent Luck!
July 17th, 2009 at 9:14 am
in an rage managment class that I took the key to communicating with out the other person getting defensive is to use i sentences. example:
I am feeling…… and would really like it for us to….
Also state how you feel, let him respond and then tell him you are not going to beat a subject into the ground and simply go into the other room and do something else while he is thinking about it. Perhaps that way he won’t shut you down and will really take the time to reckon about it and perhaps change what ever it is that may be bothering you.
July 17th, 2009 at 9:14 am
You have communication "method" problems. You both want to be pleased but getting there is hard…you are an upfront/inyourface kinda problem solver…he’s a givemetime/letme thinkabout this before I answer kinda guy. Go see a counsellor about learning to communicate. Sounds like you two have like/respect for each other – just don’t know how to talk to each other.
July 17th, 2009 at 9:14 am
It better for you to get things look instead of holding back.Because you going to hold back and it all going to make you explored.Talk to him about things whether you all stay together or not.You deserve better and he want things his way but that not the way it suppose to be.
July 17th, 2009 at 9:14 am
If you cannot talk to him without him getting defensive (and it seems like you really want this to work) try writing it all down in a letter, then revise this letter, because you may say something that you don’t want to, then give it to him and have his respond to you in the same way. Then both you should sit down to talk one at a time. This way each of you knows what is bothering the other and you got to get it all out without being interupted and off track. EXCELLENT LUCK